Duality - as
a life necessity
Definition of duality: “As hinted at by the word
"dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often with
opposite meanings..” (quotes from Vocabulary.com)
Nature seems
to have played a trick on the human-being: of all possible appropriate
relations - only one –DUAL (as we define it) is right for making a family. And
one more thing: impossibility to adapt oneself to other kinds of relationship.
No matter how hard we try, what tricks we use, appealing to our imagination,
experience and different skills - all relationships, but for dual ones, torture
us with various problems and lack of their solutions. All efforts to improve relationships
- make them just worse - they make the Gordian knot more tight.
We are in need of duality, subconsciously we are waiting for it, looking for it
(We don’t know – where to find love or what is love), and when all of a sudden discover
it - we get surprised. What happens to us and our status?
We become different:
more confident, cheerful, kind, sympathetic, strong,- in brief, just better,
and our life becomes bright and rich with top emotions and intellectual
experience. All secret fears, doubts, worries disappear . We gain ourselves -
genuine. We realize, what comfort means - external, and internal, that the main
thing - is the comfort of the soul. Where does this comfort come from? From the
satisfaction of needs.
We all want something, we search for support,
understanding, estimation of our knowledge, efforts and skills. We want to be
useful. And the dual only - a mentally supplementing partner - will protect,
support and help with everything, only this person will appreciate our help in
the right way, because he himself requires precisely the same skills back from
us.
Dual relations are the best, the most comfortable, no matter it's datings only
or a family. They are the only necessary ones for a person, since they give
absolute mental completeness. These are the relations of the of complete
agreement and mutual understanding. During communication partners, who
supplement each other, transfer to each other all necessary, vitally important
information. They protect the other's weak and sensitive sides of mind, and
evaluate the strong ones, requiring nothing instead. They see each other's
difficulties and problems, in time give gentle help in complicated situations,
willingly respond to proposals and requests.
The partners' internal worlds are very different; therefore their mutual
sympathy and interest is so strong. But, in spite of the difference in the
natures, they have the similar estimation of people, events, phenomena,
identical values. In communication, partners merge into a single whole entity:
the intuitive one now gives more concrete expression to his ideas and deeds,
the sensory one gets flashes of intuition, the logician becomes more attentive
to people, and the ethicist - calmer in the emotional demonstrations. With his
dual one feels confident, protected, strong and harmonious person. All
anxieties, uncertainty in their own forces and possibilities - disappear.
Partners strengthen, perceive a flow of energy and forces. Communication goes
on easily, without any stress, and brings true satisfaction, - indeed it's
possible to obtain it only communicating with the person, next to whom one can
be himself. Thoughts and deeds of one anticipate thoughts and deeds of the
other, they are absolutely intelligible for both and are never unexpected.
There is no leader or “manager” in these relations. Every moment leadership
goes to the one, who has a better grasp of the situation, this occurs
naturally, without any unnecessary requests or disputes. Partners willingly
cooperate, they are aware of that their work and efforts will be adequately
assessed. With the high culture of communication these are the most acceptable
and necessary relations for collaboration, let alone family and friendship.
Dual partners are associated with two parts of one whole and therefore they are
ideal for marriage. It’s a perfect symbiotic relationship.
Such partners have no fear to do something wrong, failure of one to settle a
problem doesn't cause irritation and hostility in another - but only a desire
to help, to comfort. Moreover, each one tries not so much to help the other, as
to realize himself, and is grateful for this possibility to his partner. The
realization of strong sides goes intensively and unconstrainedly because the
partner needs them. And in this case weak sides are not used; therefore each
one feels confident and comfortable. The person, who has the dual, is relaxed,
has no fear to show his worth. What is more - works for it.
Dualization increases a person's self-esteem. Due to it one's own necessity for
other people is constantly realized, as well as the place in the society. The
dual is not treated as an unattainable prince, next to him one becomes a king
himself. One feels ease and behaves towards oneself and towards others in a
more tolerant way. The more duals one has among acquaintances, the easier it's
to communicate with people of other types.
When one discusses a matter with his dual, the last one even having no time to
become more profound of the problem, just with questions orients the partner
toward those sides, which he didn't think about, and problem is easily solved
together. One could say that duals have no problems with anything, there are
only tasks, which they can easily solve together. That's why it's easy, gay and
efficacious to live together. If they work - that's effective, if they
communicate - it's meaningful, if they rest - it's cheerful and interesting.
Only duals perceive each other as the most humane person - soft, accessible,
close, sensitive. But it is subject to high communication culture level.
However even being aware of Socionics and one's own type it's not easy to make
up a harmonious family. At the beginning of the common life duals believe that
the partner knows and can do everything, but later it becomes clear what he can
do, and what not. Therefore , to avoid frustration after infatuation, partners
should accept what they are "not up to the task" and what they are
weak in, not confident, and be ready to give preference and initiative to the
partner. Equality in the educational and cultural levels is also important.
From the very beginning dual relationships dispose to sincere friendship,
encourage candour. It's not possible to conceal anything from such a friend or date.
And no need of any relationship management. One wishes to share, discuss, ask
for advice, distance makes them even closer – one acutely feels the need of the
other. Nevertheless, you shouldn't idealize duality too much, this relationship
is not just pleasant, but also complex. Although the opposite in the
intercourse attracts, people are mentally different, so they can easily hurt
each other, since each word, each act is perceived directly, immediately,
without analyzing. Any rudeness from the dual is very painful.
That's why partners should behave in a very careful way in order not to injure
the delicate substance of harmonious relations. Duals almost never quarrel or
get mad, but misunderstandings still occur, though, they disappear quickly and
imperceptibly. Most frequently this happens at the beginning, when they don't
know each other well. Easy quarrels, which arise as a result of the difference
in styles of thinking and quick reconciliation tone up the partners, brighten
up the relationships, educate and develop. Relationships stimulate
self-perfection. There occurs stunningly rapid personal growth. The skill to work
at self-improvement, respect and attention to the partner and his needs, care about
him increases the communication culture, and then it goes easily, without any stress
and brings true satisfaction.
Duals never bore each other. And outsiders, getting in their society, feel
strange, comfortable, pleasant and mysterious atmosphere, which always exists
between duals and contributes to the overall positive attitude to life. That's
why people, who have duals, are pleasant in communication with others and are
perceived by them as kind, sincere, good people.
Relations are developing, partners are improving, introducing interest, harmony
and astonish by more new pleasant surprises, striking with infinity of creative
manifestations: "It's so nice together, could anything be better?" Time
passes, and it turns out that relations have become even more pleasant,
interesting, and it's perceived as a miracle, as grace, as a gift of fate.
There is no need to adapt to the dual partner as it is in other relations. This
saves a lot of energy, which can be used in interesting activities. The dual
accepts the partner as is, and appreciates and loves him for it. In this case
there is a sensation of inner freedom, independence, self-reliance. No one
presses, restrains, on the contrary, encourages the free expression of the
other. By the way, duals have no desire to educate and teach, everything occurs
naturally and willingly, and improvements happen by themselves.
In such comfortable relations the psyche of both get balanced, so in the calm
state the organism works harmoniously, mutual supply of energy takes place.
Partners strengthen, feel a burst of energy and forces, become calm, balanced,
feel relaxed and free like in childhood.
In dual relationships disadvantages, which are acutely felt and reacted upon by
the partner get improved. This natural reaction "gets to the point”, it of
course can be painful, but it stimulates to the behavior analysis, to deep
productive reflection and disadvantages improvement. But such a process,
however, requires time and tremendous efforts, internal work, soul-searching;
analysis of self behavior and of others brings emotional pain. Sometimes people
may abandon each other.
Therefore dual relationships are more steadfast, it's easier for partners to
communicate, when they are coevals, and if they are together since early age,
because it's a relationship of equality. At the mature age there become
important not only some certain life achievements, habits, settled opinions,
which may not coincide, but also curvature of the psyche - incorrect (uneven)
use of its strong and weak sides. But in this case, the partners are grateful
to each other for own rebirth, “return to life” - true, rich, interesting. They
trust more and more to themselves and the partner, to other people. They become
more sociable, calm, confident and cheerful. With time people start to realize
WHAT they mean for each other.
Duality - is only a basis for creating a family, for which other factors are
necessary. Therefore, though in theory dual relations - are the best, in
practice not each dual can embody your dreams. The reason is that people live
and are raised in different environments have different life experiences,
cultural and educational levels. The difference of world views, values and
needs, strong aims complicate relationships. That's why in youth there are more
chances to find a perfect partner.
To be developed successfully dual relationships,
require at least, two conditions: first, between the duals there must be an
interest in the partner's personality, ability to interpenetrate, listen and
understand. Secondly, and it's more important, it is necessary to have at least
something in common, when partners experience and fight for similar things:
have common interests, goals or common cause. A good example of this is -
serious intentions of both to create a family. Being a couple they merge into a
single common “I”. But if independent parts of one whole will cause antipathy
or move in different directions - it's so easy for the whole to disperse to
separate independent parts… Common interests unite duals, and the absence of
those separates them very easily.
The first period in a relationship (when there’s no need to flirt anymore) can
be really stressful. And if relations get destroyed, this happens in the early
stages. The longer the duals are together and the more they have in common -
the stronger their relationship is. And this is not only leisure - it is work,
which leads to perfection. With time partners find out that dualization - is
not luxury, but vital necessity.
Maybe it’s not
easy to find a good specialist in Socionics for marital counseling, but if you meet
one (even in the internet), he/she could perhaps become your “Cupid” – who knows?..
Hope this site
or some other websites on the topic will help you somehow to find some answers
to your questions.
I can’t
pretend to be a counselor (especially online) ..But I am glad to be of service,
and hope some of my ideas and experience will be helpful.
